Episode 1
The Dildo Bandido
Welcome to the debut episode of Clover Club! Join your host, the dynamic hairdresser and boutique owner Erika Audrey, alongside Kelly Dawkins. Get ready for a jaw-dropping, sidesplitting experience as they unravel a true story that's equal parts hilarious and horrifying: "The Dildo Bandido."
In this episode, Erika and Kelly delve into the unbelievable yet entirely factual account that will have you laughing one moment and gasping the next. Brace yourself for an unforgettable journey through the absurd, expertly guided by Erika's storytelling finesse and Kelly's charm.
For an electrifying blend of humor and shock, tune in to Clover Club as they take you on an adventure that proves once and for all that reality is far stranger than fiction.
Transcript
Oh my God, Kelly.
Speaker:Hey.
Speaker:Hi.
Speaker:What.
Speaker:Is up.
Speaker:Not much.
Speaker:Well, that's boring.
Speaker:I didn't know you were going to ask me what was up.
Speaker:Putting a podcast.
Speaker:I wasn't prepared to know.
Speaker:What I'm doing.
Speaker:You could've set that.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I'm recording a podcast.
Speaker:You're Kelly, you're not recording a podcast.
Speaker:You're recording the first episode of our podcast.
Speaker:Oh, my God.
Speaker:It's the first episode.
Speaker:The first one, this has been a long time coming so long.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:We've had a lot of hurdles.
Speaker:We have had a lot of hurdles and they've all been very entertaining,
Speaker:which is the best type of hurdle.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I mean, even today was a hurdle.
Speaker:So many hurdles.
Speaker:If we didn't already have a name for a podcast, I would say hurdle
Speaker:should be in the description.
Speaker:Oh, my God.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Scratch everything.
Speaker:I've heard that fucking sign down.
Speaker:Just so you know, we have a sign.
Speaker:I mean our studio.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It says Clover club, not hurdle club.
Speaker:Very cute.
Speaker:It's okay.
Speaker:It took us 10 years to make sure it was straight.
Speaker:But we were willing to dedicate 11.
Speaker:We for some wedding, our asses off.
Speaker:Trying to make sure.
Speaker:The sign was straight.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And then we decided to take pictures in front of it after sweating.
Speaker:So if you don't already follow us on Instagram at to Clover
Speaker:club plod, and you'll see the documentation of today's strife.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So Kelly, okay, this is a podcast.
Speaker:This is our podcast.
Speaker:This is our first podcast.
Speaker:And people are probably like, okay, I press play because they
Speaker:must know one of us at this point.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Let's explain to them how this came about.
Speaker:I'd love to, okay.
Speaker:I thought you might.
Speaker:So all of last year I was working with a business coach and she was like, I
Speaker:really think you should start a podcast.
Speaker:And I was like, oh, I don't want to do that at all.
Speaker:And so she's like, okay.
Speaker:And then a month later she'd be like, I just want to revisit that podcast idea.
Speaker:And I was like, yeah, I have no interest in that.
Speaker:And she, she followed up with you.
Speaker:Relentlessly.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:Because here's why I'm a hairdresser and I'm a business owner.
Speaker:So I own a gift shop.
Speaker:And I still take a select list of clients.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And in order to be a relevant.
Speaker:Person in business these days.
Speaker:There's this pressure to , be on, take talk and to , do these
Speaker:stupid fucking dances and sell yourself out to create content.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it just doesn't resonate with me.
Speaker:Like that's not me.
Speaker:I would rather make $1 a year being myself than a million dollars
Speaker:a year being got some idiot.
Speaker:And no disrespect to people who do that.
Speaker:I have a problem with being too honest.
Speaker:Y'all.
Speaker:No, but I just, it's not me.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:And so it would come across as being inauthentic, but I
Speaker:really struggle with like, okay.
Speaker:If it isn't that, what is it?
Speaker:And so she's like Erica, this could check a lot of boxes because
Speaker:you can really get brand awareness out there and just let people know
Speaker:who you are and what you stand for.
Speaker:But in a very authentic, , Way.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So I was like, okay, I still don't want to do it though.
Speaker:Like, You don't want to do Tik TOK dances?
Speaker:Correct.
Speaker:I will never if you were like Erica, if you post this video of you doing a Celine
Speaker:Dion Tik TOK dance, and you're definitely going to get $1,000 in sales today.
Speaker:I would be like I'm okay.
Speaker:Like the bills are paid.
Speaker:I would say, yup.
Speaker:I'll learn it.
Speaker:I love it.
Speaker:Well, that's probably where your gen Z usefulness comes in handy.
Speaker:Because you're just way more open-minded and children, me.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I don't know if I'd say that.
Speaker:I think for me, I'm starting in my career as a producer.
Speaker:And social media to me is like a business card.
Speaker:Yeah, nobody hands you a business card these days.
Speaker:And my circles and film and.
Speaker:And other things that I do.
Speaker:We used a paper.
Speaker:Yeah, well, yeah.
Speaker:But people are always like, what's your Instagram.
Speaker:So I have a work real on my Instagram that just highlights.
Speaker:All of my work that I've had.
Speaker:That's normal.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Like I think that sounds cool.
Speaker:But I have to, consistently post up about it too.
Speaker:Cause I'm like, if these people aren't seeing that I'm working,
Speaker:then they're not going to hire me.
Speaker:I get that.
Speaker:It's kind of, yeah, it's annoying, but right.
Speaker:It just is.
Speaker:I don't love it.
Speaker:I think there's ways that you can do it and be authentic and true to yourself.
Speaker:I guess I just haven't found the way.
Speaker:But that is.
Speaker:Maybe you did, or maybe, maybe you're listening to the way right now, everybody.
Speaker:But yeah, so she did make a good point.
Speaker:So essentially she just kind of like hammered away at all my reasons not to,
Speaker:and then , conceptually, she got me there, but I was like, I don't want to fucking.
Speaker:Learn to edit a podcast.
Speaker:But she was like, oh, funny, you say that there's this great software
Speaker:called dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
Speaker:And we can, it does this for you.
Speaker:And that's what were you thinking?
Speaker:And so she just hammered away.
Speaker:At all of my reasons to not do this.
Speaker:And then I was just like, you know what?
Speaker:I'm going to look at this.
Speaker:It's a fun creative outlet and whatever comes from this will come.
Speaker:But I actually am now very stoked and excited.
Speaker:Shout out to this woman, shout out to this woman.
Speaker:That is a bad bitch.
Speaker:She is amazing.
Speaker:I love how she got it in her mind for you to start a podcast.
Speaker:And then you start.
Speaker:And then she won.
Speaker:I know she beat me down.
Speaker:I love it.
Speaker:I really do love it.
Speaker:No, I know.
Speaker:It's amazing.
Speaker:So when thinking about kind of the concept and how I wanted to
Speaker:structure the podcast, My main takeaway was that as a hairdresser,
Speaker:working behind the chair for, I bet.
Speaker:Well, I've been working in salons for almost 20 years now,
Speaker:which is a long fucking time.
Speaker:So I have heard and seen a lot of shit.
Speaker:And I have these amazing conversations behind the chair that I really
Speaker:want to share with people and the ones that are worth listening to
Speaker:you fall under two categories.
Speaker:The first category is a crazy fucking story.
Speaker:That story might be mine from one of my various vacations or just.
Speaker:Wild life activities.
Speaker:Or, and maybe from a client who is just doing something really
Speaker:fucking cool with their lives.
Speaker:So I didn't go to college.
Speaker:So my education and the whole framework of how I look at life and everything.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:He really has come through my work and through my clients.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So I always tell people, I know.
Speaker:A little bit about a lot.
Speaker:But if I don't know a lot about it, I definitely know the person to ask.
Speaker:So I just, over the year, I've kind of collected all of these super
Speaker:fucking cool and interesting people.
Speaker:And I really want to give a platform for sharing those types of conversations,
Speaker:where when I'm driving home from work, after a long day, I'm like,
Speaker:wow, I had no idea that that was how.
Speaker:Vaccines were made.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:I've got a client, who's a landscape architect, which
Speaker:I didn't know what it was.
Speaker:I thought that was a landscaper.
Speaker:And that it was boring or not boring.
Speaker:I mean, I enjoy perceiving landscaped areas, but I didn't think there
Speaker:was interesting things behind it.
Speaker:But I was completely wrong about what a landscape architect is.
Speaker:And she has this way of talking about her work that makes you be like, I'm.
Speaker:I fucking care about this.
Speaker:I want to know why all of that sewage runoff goes into lower income areas.
Speaker:No, landscape architects are really passionate.
Speaker:This podcast, you're going to either hear each episode.
Speaker:A crazy story and maybe it'll be just Kelly and I chatting and then sometimes
Speaker:we're also going to have guests.
Speaker:So each episode will be a little bit different.
Speaker:I'd say probably what do you think.
Speaker:Only like a 70, 30 split of guests to know guests based on
Speaker:what we've talked about so far.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I mean, we have a lot of guests lined up, but you also have
Speaker:a lot of stories lined up.
Speaker:So I think really it'll just depend on kind of availability
Speaker:and then like, you know, Yeah.
Speaker:All the, all the detailed work.
Speaker:You're right.
Speaker:So I think even meeting you, I feel like we should share that
Speaker:story because it all builds.
Speaker:All into play super nicely.
Speaker:Yeah, I did.
Speaker:So I, I had gotten to my mind that I agreed to do this podcast, but then it
Speaker:was daunting to actually execute it.
Speaker:And I also didn't want to just be talking at people.
Speaker:Yeah, so Kelly found me on Instagram and found our shop on Instagram.
Speaker:And that was looking for just kind of some supplemental work.
Speaker:And she came by the shop so I could meet her.
Speaker:And I had just redone my website and there was a tab up for the future
Speaker:podcast and I was like, oh, I'm starting.
Speaker:And that gas.
Speaker:And she was like, oh my God, my dream is to produce a podcast.
Speaker:And I was like, oh, this is why she's here.
Speaker:She's supposed to produce this podcast.
Speaker:And that means I don't have to produce this podcast.
Speaker:Yeah, it was crazy.
Speaker:It was the first day we met.
Speaker:So insane.
Speaker:Clearly meant to be.
Speaker:And then I started getting to know you and I was wearing pink that day.
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:And you don't wear a lot of pink.
Speaker:I don't.
Speaker:It's literally the only day I've worn pink in the past, like year.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I, it was when I met you.
Speaker:Eric has favorite colors, pink.
Speaker:And black, but think mostly.
Speaker:Black.
Speaker:So then I was like, okay, great.
Speaker:I've got my podcast coming up.
Speaker:I've got my producer.
Speaker:And then I started getting to know Kelly and I was telling her just naturally,
Speaker:like, how was your weekend crazy stories?
Speaker:And I realized you were really good at.
Speaker:Being like, hold on.
Speaker:I have a question.
Speaker:I'm asking questions in ways that really drove the story in a good direction.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Added kind of supplemental detail to things I may, I'm a listener
Speaker:and a contributor, correct.
Speaker:That's just who I am.
Speaker:It's just how she rolls everybody.
Speaker:But yeah.
Speaker:And so then I was like you wanna just like be on this podcast?
Speaker:And then, and I was like, what.
Speaker:Yeah, that was like That's not really how producing works.
Speaker:Like you don't necessarily.
Speaker:Do that.
Speaker:And then Erica was like, have you heard of Chelsea handler?
Speaker:She was like, Herbert, he sits on the podcast and I was like, Hmm.
Speaker:So then I listened to a couple.
Speaker:Telsey handler podcasts.
Speaker:Which I had before don't kill me, Erica, never.
Speaker:But yeah, I realized what she was talking about and I was like,
Speaker:dang, Eric has a great storyteller.
Speaker:But also our conversations do go really well.
Speaker:Whenever we hang out and talk.
Speaker:And I was like, ah, it does make sense.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:So yeah, so here we are.
Speaker:We're Clover clubbing.
Speaker:Episodes are going to come out once a week and you can find them
Speaker:wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:I really just want the listener to feel like they're eavesdropping on one of
Speaker:these really interesting conversations that I have behind the chair.
Speaker:So that's the inspiration for the podcast and that's why we're here.
Speaker:We did it.
Speaker:We did it here.
Speaker:Finally.
Speaker:So for this episode, Kelly, I decided to just come in hot with one of
Speaker:my, if not my most famous stories.
Speaker:And so excited.
Speaker:I have been teasing Kelly with this for literally months.
Speaker:And I'm like, I don't want to tell you any details of the story, because
Speaker:I want everybody listening to hear her authentic reactions to it.
Speaker:A lot of people who are going to be listening to this immediately
Speaker:have heard the story before.
Speaker:But it's so prolific that it's, it's never not entertaining to hear.
Speaker:If you've really built it up, like I am.
Speaker:I'm intrigued.
Speaker:I'm excited.
Speaker:I'm nervous.
Speaker:I'm all the emotions I could feel about this story I am right now.
Speaker:Those are all relevant emotions that you're going to experience on this ride.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Together.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So this story takes place in summer of 2019.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Aye.
Speaker:Own.
Speaker:A shop in grand park.
Speaker:It is a salon.
Speaker:And when I opened it, was me and a girl that I had worked with at another shop.
Speaker:I opened this place and brought her over with me.
Speaker:What.
Speaker:Yes, we're going to call her Mavery for the sake of this story.
Speaker:With her consent.
Speaker:Her nickname is Mabry for this.
Speaker:So Maria and I worked together here for about six years and we crushed it.
Speaker:Like we were, we just had a great dynamic.
Speaker:It was just she and I, we were slammed.
Speaker:We won best salon inside the perimeter for Atlanta magazine.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:And for six months the next year we wanted again.
Speaker:Ah, and then I just stopped trying, because I was like, no,
Speaker:it's not even exciting anymore.
Speaker:So yeah, so like we had a great thing going, but then one day may free decided
Speaker:that making six figures a year and working four days a week was unfulfilling.
Speaker:She decided.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:That's what I would've said.
Speaker:I would've said okay.
Speaker:April fools.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:She, she couldn't do it anymore.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So she decided she was going to move out of Atlanta, move back to New York
Speaker:and pursue her passion for art therapy.
Speaker:That is so random.
Speaker:If you knew her, it, it is random because you're like you do kind
Speaker:of have a good thing going here, but also she is a into art and has
Speaker:a very generous, warm, big heart.
Speaker:She's like the nicest person you'll ever meet.
Speaker:Like to a fault.
Speaker:So you were, you were supportive of this.
Speaker:You were like, yeah, for sure.
Speaker:If this is what you want, go do this.
Speaker:Not like, oh God, I'm losing.
Speaker:This person?
Speaker:No, I mean, my initial reaction was like, damn, that's going to, it's
Speaker:going to impact me significantly.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But of course you want to see people in your life.
Speaker:Be happy.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You know, pursue their dreams and things.
Speaker:And if that means our time together comes to an end, I'm thankful for the time
Speaker:that we shared and wish you all the best.
Speaker:So that was my attitude about it.
Speaker:And she also gave me six months notice.
Speaker:So I have a lot of time to plan what would come next and how
Speaker:I was going to handle it.
Speaker:So all that being said, we worked together for a long, long time.
Speaker:So we met at the very first shop that I ever worked at and then
Speaker:worked together here for a long time.
Speaker:So it's like, I know her she's like the older sister I never had.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:So we had a very jokey relationship.
Speaker:And I loved pranking her.
Speaker:I'm a prankster.
Speaker:Just in general.
Speaker:But leading up to her departure, I had a series of pranks planned and oh my God.
Speaker:Was to ratchet them up as we got closer and closer and closer.
Speaker:And then with a big grand finale prank.
Speaker:For her last day so I have this like increasingly intense series of pranks.
Speaker:Planned for her.
Speaker:I didn't even know that you.
Speaker:Do prank.
Speaker:I do pranks, but here's, what's important for you to know about me.
Speaker:Do you have a prank lined up for me right now?
Speaker:I don't.
Speaker:I.
Speaker:Are you lying?
Speaker:I was scared.
Speaker:If I did have a prank lined up for you, I wouldn't tell you.
Speaker:That's what I'm saying.
Speaker:But I genuinely do not have a Franklin up for you, but I am going
Speaker:to tell you about, about these mines.
Speaker:So just.
Speaker:You will, you will get pranked one day.
Speaker:I will tell you that at some point you will get praying my God,
Speaker:but it's like my love language.
Speaker:So it was like, you should be flattered.
Speaker:But I, you.
Speaker:Ruin your day.
Speaker:So am I offended that I haven't gotten from like, So many emotions right now.
Speaker:Just, I got to keep you on your toes.
Speaker:You just never know.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Tell me, tell me, I need to know the pranks.
Speaker:There's two things that may re hates more than anything.
Speaker:The first is cockroaches and the second same clowns.
Speaker:So, yeah.
Speaker:I ordered 20, fake cockroaches.
Speaker:Very realistic looking ones from Amazon.
Speaker:Erica.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:And so I knew the first road had to hit hard.
Speaker:Erica.
Speaker:So it's like two ish weeks before her last day.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Things are coming to an end.
Speaker:And I'm like, all right, let's send this bitch off with a fair
Speaker:fucking well that she deserves.
Speaker:So we work right across the street from this little cafe called Rayez and
Speaker:RIAs has this chicken salad croissant.
Speaker:That is so fucking good.
Speaker:So that is may freeze a favorite lunch.
Speaker:And so I was like, Mayberry, can I buy you lunch today?
Speaker:Like, I'm just craving that chicken salad croissant.
Speaker:I'd love to get one for you, you know?
Speaker:And she was like, oh my God, that'd be so nice.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:And I was like, my pleasure.
Speaker:So I go, I place it to the hoarder.
Speaker:I feel like I know where this is going.
Speaker:You do.
Speaker:So I come back she's with a client and if you're listening and you're
Speaker:not familiar with the beauty industry, hairdressers don't take lunch breaks,
Speaker:we inhale 1500 calories and like a three-minute window at 4:12 PM or
Speaker:whenever we're able to throughout the day.
Speaker:And then do we just live on laughs and coffee?
Speaker:Literally.
Speaker:So it's such a healthy balance.
Speaker:We're all thriving.
Speaker:No, but any anybody who knows, knows it's like eating lunch at all is a big deal.
Speaker:If your hairdresser, so let alone somebody being like, can I buy you here?
Speaker:Favorite lunch heard her.
Speaker:So I go, I get these lunches.
Speaker:I walked back over she's up front with a client.
Speaker:I take them to the back.
Speaker:I opened up her chicken salad croissant, and in the middle, I insert eight juicy.
Speaker:Oh, rich.
Speaker:My God, I close it up.
Speaker:I package it back up.
Speaker:I put hers on top and haven't even touched mine.
Speaker:So it's immaculate.
Speaker:So I'm waiting.
Speaker:And waiting in, waiting for this bitch to get a break.
Speaker:Finally I'm back there shampooing one of my clients and we have this
Speaker:whole shampoo ritual that we do.
Speaker:So it's quiet back there.
Speaker:You don't talk while you're getting shampooed.
Speaker:Cause you're on cloud nine and we're massage and bitches, you know?
Speaker:So I'm back there and I'm elbows deep in a good head massage and may every.
Speaker:Every walks back to have a lunch in two seconds.
Speaker:So she quietly is undoing the You know, plastic bag and quietly opens up
Speaker:the container and she's eating this.
Speaker:Oh my gosh.
Speaker:He's a bit into it.
Speaker:Well, She takes it.
Speaker:Well, I put it in the middle because I wanted her to get a couple of good
Speaker:bites in and be completely unsuspecting.
Speaker:I didn't want her to like, see an antenna sticking out and be like, Erica.
Speaker:So I own all I see for my view, I'm looking to my left
Speaker:and I see her from behind.
Speaker:So she's, I see her take a bite.
Speaker:I see her take another bite and I'm like, let's fucking go.
Speaker:Let's let me go.
Speaker:And then she fucking levitates backwards.
Speaker:Like 30 feet.
Speaker:And like silently dies silently.
Speaker:Yes, because she doesn't want to fucking disturb my client getting shampooed.
Speaker:So she and I are quiet cackling together and she realizes that it's it's fake
Speaker:and she realizes that it's the praying.
Speaker:And she's just like fine now.
Speaker:Now that to me, like, I'm gonna kill you.
Speaker:You fucking.
Speaker:I love you.
Speaker:And it was great.
Speaker:And so was her sandwich on the floor or sandwich was not on the floor.
Speaker:She just took it out and finished it.
Speaker:That's a good ending.
Speaker:I can't believe she didn't scream.
Speaker:Yeah, I know.
Speaker:I really thought you were going to say that I really thought you were
Speaker:going to be like, and quite frankly, everybody in a two mile radius would
Speaker:have understood if she had yeah.
Speaker:That's a Dick move that I did, but this is the thing about being a prankster.
Speaker:You have to know your victim.
Speaker:I fucking know her and I knew she would get a, a serious laugh out of it.
Speaker:So once that prank was out of the way with the 19 other riches, I just hid
Speaker:them in her little scissor case.
Speaker:Like hid them under her Cape.
Speaker:Every day.
Speaker:She was at that point.
Speaker:And it was like, not even funny, she's like, got it.
Speaker:And other roads, you know, but I'm just like, until you're gone, you're
Speaker:going to find a Roach every day.
Speaker:I really understand the pain of cockroaches.
Speaker:I don't like them.
Speaker:They're super gross.
Speaker:Nobody likes them.
Speaker:But yeah, I appreciate that.
Speaker:Some people super don't like them and Sue me frees one of those.
Speaker:If you put a conquered.
Speaker:I will never, I also don't repeat pranks.
Speaker:So it's done.
Speaker:Yeah, it's done.
Speaker:And she got all my roaches.
Speaker:So I do the series of Roche pranks and we make it to the last three
Speaker:days of her employment with us.
Speaker:And this is when the big pranks were coming.
Speaker:So her last day was on a Saturday, Thursday night beforehand.
Speaker:I wake up at like 3:00 AM and I have dozens of missed calls from me free.
Speaker:And I'm like, what the fuck?
Speaker:And so I call her back.
Speaker:I'm like, Hey, are you okay?
Speaker:And she's like, no.
Speaker:And I was like, oh my God, what happened?
Speaker:And this is the story.
Speaker:Of the dildo.
Speaker:Bandido.
Speaker:One night.
Speaker:On this night.
Speaker:Maybe Marie was asleep.
Speaker:. So something wakes her up.
Speaker:It's a little bit past midnight.
Speaker:She opens her eyes.
Speaker:In her bedroom doors open.
Speaker:And her lights are on.
Speaker:So that's noteworthy because she always sleeps with her door closed
Speaker:because one of her cats is an asshole in the middle of the night.
Speaker:And then she always sleeps her lights off because she's an adult.
Speaker:So she's like, you know, that delirious, like half asleep, half
Speaker:awake, click confusion, state.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:So she's like, why am I life?
Speaker:Like, did the cat open the door?
Speaker:And then if that's the case of the cat turned the lights on.
Speaker:Oh, And then I'd be scared.
Speaker:She hears something on the whole way.
Speaker:No, and she's like, what the fuck?
Speaker:And she's like, I'm hearing things, I'm hearing things like this isn't real.
Speaker:And then she hears something else in the hallway.
Speaker:No, no.
Speaker:Something else coming towards her?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:Aye.
Speaker:Go under the covers.
Speaker:I don't know what I would do.
Speaker:A man, shut the fuck up, walks into her bedroom.
Speaker:Erica.
Speaker:He is wearing.
Speaker:Very dirty sneakers.
Speaker:Dirty genes.
Speaker:A long white t-shirt.
Speaker:And a rhinestone and crusted baseball cap.
Speaker:And he said.
Speaker:Give me all of your money.
Speaker:And Mayberry screamed at the top of her lungs naturally.
Speaker:And then the man got into bed with her.
Speaker:Shut the fuck up.
Speaker:He got into bed with her.
Speaker:She was terrified.
Speaker:Of course.
Speaker:Is this real, this is a hundred percent real.
Speaker:He, she was under the covers and he like sat on the bed, but like sat got in.
Speaker:The night before.
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:This is so absolutely terrifying.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:It gets worse.
Speaker:The night before she had used a toy.
Speaker:That was a big black dildo.
Speaker:And the dildo was sitting on her nightstand.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So this man gets into bed with her onto the bed with her.
Speaker:And grabs her dildo.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Or like it's a gun.
Speaker:And repeats his request for all of her money.
Speaker:And with the dildo.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:So she's actively getting held up with her own dildo and.
Speaker:Oh, wait.
Speaker:He didn't even come prepared.
Speaker:I don't know if he thought it was like a remote.
Speaker:Or like, I don't.
Speaker:What if he was out of his mind or I think that one.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's highly possible.
Speaker:So she says.
Speaker:Naturally, can I put on my glasses?
Speaker:And he's like, yeah.
Speaker:So she puts on her glasses and she's like, yep.
Speaker:Still getting robbed my own dildo.
Speaker:Cool.
Speaker:Cool.
Speaker:Cool.
Speaker:And she's puts her hands out.
Speaker:Oh, Oh my God.
Speaker:So she was like, maybe it's a gun.
Speaker:I mean, I don't know what she thought.
Speaker:I think it all happened so quickly and crazily that she was just like,
Speaker:whoa, is this fucking real, like, I can't even handle this actually.
Speaker:No, it's insane.
Speaker:So she says I don't have any money in here.
Speaker:Like I have some cash in the living room and he was like, okay.
Speaker:And so he like.
Speaker:Emotions are out the door with a dildo, puts a hand on her elbow and
Speaker:like moves her down the hallway.
Speaker:She was moving you know, back to New York.
Speaker:So our house is in boxes and this is so terrifying.
Speaker:It's crazy.
Speaker:She had a bunch of cash.
Speaker:So like her clients had been.
Speaker:Giving her cash is like, well wishes.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:So she like grabs a handful of cash and gives it to them.
Speaker:And I was she like in pajamas?
Speaker:Yes, of course she was in pajamas.
Speaker:Thank God.
Speaker:Well, I would just thinking about it cause.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I sleep naked.
Speaker:So it's like, I that's.
Speaker:Horrifying unfortunate.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I just had to clarify, because I didn't think about it until right now.
Speaker:And I was like, wait, is she wearing gloves?
Speaker:She was in her little jammies.
Speaker:So, thanks.
Speaker:Least there was that.
Speaker:God.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:Thank God.
Speaker:That's horrifying.
Speaker:Yes, completely horrifying.
Speaker:So he has, you know, now brought her into a secondary room.
Speaker:She gives him the cash.
Speaker:And just ironically.
Speaker:Like two days before I had forgotten the work phone at work.
Speaker:And so she had the idea, he was like, give me your phone and all of your electronics.
Speaker:Oh, she was like, I forgot my phone at work.
Speaker:So she was like, that came in handy and I just like lied and said,
Speaker:that's the timeline I think is okay.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:And so he was like, okay.
Speaker:And he said, but like her phone wasn't like on her nightstand.
Speaker:I guess not, or.
Speaker:Maybe it was distractable by somebody.
Speaker:Many questions like what's happening.
Speaker:Ah, that's a good question.
Speaker:I don't know where the phone was.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Maybe she like has an under her pillow or something.
Speaker:Some people do that.
Speaker:Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker:Really?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I know people would do that.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:I bet you, some of our listeners do that.
Speaker:Oh my God, please add us.
Speaker:If you sleep with your pillow over your phone, dying to know.
Speaker:Not your pillow under your.
Speaker:Erica.
Speaker:The phone under the pillow.
Speaker:Phone under the pillow, my bad.
Speaker:Let me know if you do either.
Speaker:Actually I have questions.
Speaker:So he takes her back to her room and he's like, I'm going to leave, like stay here.
Speaker:And she's like, okay.
Speaker:And like he like throws the dildo in the room and then he leaves.
Speaker:And so she like runs and locks the door and then takes out the phone.
Speaker:The two does have, and she called nine 11.
Speaker:Of course, cause she called you a million times.
Speaker:So it was like, She better have called 9 1 1 first.
Speaker:Oh, by the time I got phone calls, like police had been there and like, yeah.
Speaker:So she calls 9 1 1 and reports what happened.
Speaker:And then she calls her dad who also lived here at the time.
Speaker:So the first cop on the scene naturally is a smoking hot black guy.
Speaker:And she's like, what the fuck?
Speaker:This.
Speaker:So they're saying this is like, Out of control.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:So she tells him the entire story.
Speaker:But she leaves out the dildo part for obvious reasons.
Speaker:So then, you know, a couple of minutes later.
Speaker:The like.
Speaker:Actual detective gets there and he's this kind of like older Southern white guy and
Speaker:he's like, all right, maybe I'm now just go ahead and walk me through these steps.
Speaker:One more time.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:Now Is there anything else you can think of that he may have touched that
Speaker:we could swap for some prints and DNA?
Speaker:Fuck.
Speaker:Book.
Speaker:. So at this point, her dad's here, so she's having a conversation
Speaker:with the hot black cop, the old country, detective and her dad.
Speaker:And so the detectives, like, is there anything else you can think of?
Speaker:That he has touched and she's like,
Speaker:Well, there's one other thing, but I didn't mention because it's, it's
Speaker:kind of embarrassing and he's like, oh, I'm sure we've seen it all.
Speaker:My M what is it?
Speaker:And she's like, well, there was There's like a toy.
Speaker:And her dad's there.
Speaker:There's this toy that I had on my nightstand, did he like grabbed it?
Speaker:And he like, he definitely, there are fingerprints.
Speaker:On it for sure.
Speaker:And he's like, all right, man.
Speaker:Well, if you could go get that for us, we're going to need
Speaker:to swap it for prints and DNA.
Speaker:Oh, Like what the fuck?
Speaker:So she had like thrown it under her bed, , cause she was just like, wow,
Speaker:like what do I do with this thing?
Speaker:So she like gets a sock.
Speaker:Grabs it and like, Just putting it out there.
Speaker:Like, it's not like she can clean the thing off.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Like dirty.
Speaker:saunters up to her dad and these two fucking cops.
Speaker:She's like, yeah.
Speaker:Here we go.
Speaker:I'm mortified for her, correct?
Speaker:Like literally the worst thing that could ever happen.
Speaker:You got 800 phone calls.
Speaker:So then the cop is like, all right, ma'am so we don't have the kit with us
Speaker:that works on this type of material now.
Speaker:We're going to need to take it down to the station to do our,
Speaker:our test, but we'll make sure to get it back to your real quick.
Speaker:We know how you women are with these things.
Speaker:And so maybe it was like, bitch, I'm never gonna use this again.
Speaker:Like, please don't ever return it.
Speaker:Like swipe it for prints, swipe, but for DNA and.
Speaker:Fucking badge and what her dad said, her dad was probably like
Speaker:her dad is like the cutest, like.
Speaker:I could see him just like, not blushing, but like, like
Speaker:whatever his version of what.
Speaker:Being like silent.
Speaker:Just packing away slowly.
Speaker:I don't do awkwardly.
Speaker:Look at these pictures.
Speaker:I didn't just see all of that.
Speaker:I know fucking nightmare.
Speaker:So the cops are there for awhile.
Speaker:And what they realized is, the house that she had been renting was for sale.
Speaker:Yeah, she was moving.
Speaker:And so what they thought was the guy saw the for sale sign.
Speaker:I thought the house was vacant.
Speaker:It was like, can I, is there anything in here?
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so like, sit on all of her windows Hills outside was disturbed from him going
Speaker:around the house, trying to open windows.
Speaker:And he finally, her bathroom window was unlocked.
Speaker:And so he had come in through her bathroom window.
Speaker:If that window had been locked, the next window he would have
Speaker:tried was her bedroom window.
Speaker:And so he would have crawled in through her fucking unlocked.
Speaker:Bedroom window.
Speaker:So it could have been a little worse, but like not much, but they thought they.
Speaker:The assumption is that he went into her room and like flip on the light and
Speaker:was like, oh fuck, like someone's here.
Speaker:And then was like, let me go and look through these boxes.
Speaker:And then when he couldn't find anything, it was like, let me wake her up.
Speaker:So it wasn't violent, all things considered, but it was
Speaker:absolutely a home invasion.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:That is so scary.
Speaker:I know what I mean.
Speaker:Absolutely horrifying and like traumatic and like just insane.
Speaker:And like three days before she moves.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Oh, My God.
Speaker:I think that actually might be like one of my biggest fears.
Speaker:I mean, quite frankly, it should be yeah.
Speaker:It is scarier than that.
Speaker:Like I don't like from dead asleep too.
Speaker:It's like even worse, quick turnaround.
Speaker:Like you have to like wake up.
Speaker:And process within like seconds, seconds.
Speaker:The dildo.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Of all things.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I like, I don't know what I would do if a criminal.
Speaker:Grabbed a dildo next to me and pointed it at me.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Would you laugh?
Speaker:Like part of you would be like, I asked her when I call, when, when she called
Speaker:me back and we like had our conversation.
Speaker:I was like in the moment.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Did you know, this was hilarious.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And she was like I did, but I also was equally concerned about my life.
Speaker:And so yeah, this crazy dichotomy.
Speaker:He could do anything.
Speaker:He could do anything, especially like.
Speaker:Like a man.
Speaker:Oh, it's terrifying, terrifying.
Speaker:A hundred percent.
Speaker:The rhinestones do really to me, disability.
Speaker:Set it the fuck off.
Speaker:Like what, like what I know, it just all adds to the story being like insane.
Speaker:So naturally she takes the next day off of work, which was Friday.
Speaker:And then the day.
Speaker:Frank plan.
Speaker:Nope.
Speaker:My practice plan for Saturday, which was her last day.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Good.
Speaker:This prank.
Speaker:Involved.
Speaker:A big scare.
Speaker:. And before I tell this portion of the story.
Speaker:I hear a girl.
Speaker:Would I need to explain to everybody is that I know Mavery and this, if you
Speaker:don't know us and you don't know me and you know, I could understand how
Speaker:this could sound in poor taste, but.
Speaker:I knew what I was doing.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Why.
Speaker:So, like I mentioned her two least favorite things are ridges and clowns.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Oh, Oh, my God, Erica.
Speaker:The crescendo prank was supposed to be.
Speaker:Having my friend.
Speaker:Brian stand in the closet at work.
Speaker:Dresses a clown and that's where we keep our purses.
Speaker:And so then when she came, she always got to work a little after.
Speaker:So when she opened the closet to put her handbag in there for him to like
Speaker:jump out and scare her as a clown.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So that was the prank.
Speaker:So then I'm like, fuck, she just had this really big scare.
Speaker:This is probably insensitive, but also like how funny to like give her
Speaker:something else to like, reset that real.
Speaker:Given her a heart attack.
Speaker:Ah, but it's, you know, anything for a joke.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:So I'm scared.
Speaker:So it gets funnier or weirder.
Speaker:I don't know, or more insensitive.
Speaker:I was like, but now the prank is missing something like.
Speaker:Obviously.
Speaker:Needs to be holding a dildo.
Speaker:And so I've got onto Amazon and guy.
Speaker:God.
Speaker:A rush job, a dildo.
Speaker:So my friend Brian comes to work on Sunday morning.
Speaker:I'm like, I'm going to ask you to stand in this closet with a dildo in your hand.
Speaker:Oh, my God, probably four women, 15 ish minutes.
Speaker:Cause you need to get in there early in case she gets her.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:Like did you have to explain to him like, oh, she got robbed
Speaker:together night with a dildo?
Speaker:I did.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:And was he like, maybe this isn't sensitive?
Speaker:No, he's like me.
Speaker:He was like, fuck.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Oh, my God.
Speaker:I choose my friends wisely.
Speaker:He has a great sense of humor and he was fucking in so he has this like
Speaker:crazy loud, colorful blazer, and I got this like terrifying clown mask.
Speaker:Oh.
Speaker:And this dildo.
Speaker:And I put him in the closet.
Speaker:And I'm like, okay, just wait.
Speaker:And so I'm cutting my first client and he's in on it and he knows me
Speaker:free, like maybe would cut his hair.
Speaker:I used to take a month off.
Speaker:Tell your client.
Speaker:Yeah, fuck.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You like this woman is going to scream bloody murder.
Speaker:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker:And he, like, he knew her well.
Speaker:And so he was like, I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker:I'm will some of this.
Speaker:So we're all just kind of like.
Speaker:Did you like stalling after his haircut, like waiting for her to get there.
Speaker:And she finally gets there and she's like, oh my God.
Speaker:Like, I can't believe it's the last I'm going to see you.
Speaker:Cause again, she's got a relationship with this client too.
Speaker:And like he and I are just looking at each other, like enough of
Speaker:the fucking chit-chat bitch.
Speaker:Like go put your purse down.
Speaker:And so finally it was like Mayberry, like, why don't you
Speaker:like settle in like stay away.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And she's like, okay.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And Brian had asked when it was prank.
Speaker:He was like, she's not gonna like hit me.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And I was like, no, she didn't even hit the real intruder.
Speaker:Like, you'll be fine.
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:She walks to the back and my client and I are just like, have our heads like
Speaker:creeped around the corner, watching.
Speaker:And she opens the closet and my friend Brian has like the lowest voice and
Speaker:all he said with Pointed at her was.
Speaker:Hello.
Speaker:And she freaked out and she started beating him with her giant
Speaker:ludicrous leak, a patient's bag.
Speaker:And he's just like, ah, It's Brian.
Speaker:It's Brian.
Speaker:It's Brian.
Speaker:If you'd like takes off the mask and she's like dying, like hysterical, laughter
Speaker:we're all like on the floor cackling.
Speaker:And she was like, you fucking bitch.
Speaker:That's what I would say too.
Speaker:You fucking bet.
Speaker:She was like, I fucking love you.
Speaker:That was the best way to like Undo the trial, not undue, but like it was a
Speaker:really, really remake humor out of it.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:And I fucking knew.
Speaker:Like that is where I come in handy as a friend.
Speaker:Bitch, I will make you laugh.
Speaker:And so I did that for her.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Here is a really interesting plot twist for all of this.
Speaker:A couple months later I found out.
Speaker:But my friend Brian is gay.
Speaker:And so I asked him to stand in the closet with a dildo.
Speaker:Jump out of it.
Speaker:And then he wasn't out yet.
Speaker:Oh,
Speaker:He didn't think like, maybe this is the time to tell.
Speaker:Went right over my head, but I was just like, you know, I'm going
Speaker:to make you stand in the closet with fucking Dick in your hand.
Speaker:And he was like, wouldn't be the first time.
Speaker:And I didn't even, like, I don't know.
Speaker:I was just like so focused on the prank.
Speaker:Oh, my God.
Speaker:That is, that's really funny.
Speaker:So he like.
Speaker:Kind of like key kind of dead.
Speaker:And then I just didn't S and then I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Speaker:I made you stand in a closet with a dildo in your hand.
Speaker:And he was like, no, I know, like, I was very comfortable and I was like,
Speaker:Sorry.
Speaker:Thank you for trusting me and feeling safe to let me in on this.
Speaker:Pretty important detail of your life.
Speaker:My God.
Speaker:So, yeah, so, and then she.
Speaker:She had two friends who also used their creativity to help address her trauma.
Speaker:And they wrote a song for her and the song is called the dildo.
Speaker:Bandido and that is where the name of this podcast.
Speaker:I hope they'll let me use it.
Speaker:I don't think it's like copywritten.
Speaker:So yeah, so all of her friends had different ways of helping
Speaker:her cope, but I know her.
Speaker:I know for a fact, I know for a fact that she has several friends who think to this
Speaker:day that I'm a fucking terrible person.
Speaker:I like, I will say, as you were telling the story, I was like, this is fucked.
Speaker:Like I'd be so mad, but like, You knew her and you knew that like her
Speaker:trauma was going to be dealt with somehow through this, like yes.
Speaker:You and you even said you were like, I've known her 15 years.
Speaker:Like.
Speaker:Each other every day, like that's a, like, you.
Speaker:You have to know somebody then.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:And so like, if you still felt like that was a good idea and then
Speaker:clearly it was like, you were right.
Speaker:Totally.
Speaker:But like, it's fun from an outside perspective.
Speaker:It's like, as you're telling this story, it's like, oh my
Speaker:God, like that was so traumatic.
Speaker:And then you like.
Speaker:Literally just redid the trauma, but worse with the clown.
Speaker:I mean, not worse because a home invasion is definitely worse than a.
Speaker:Just a clown.
Speaker:But yeah, you like, you like upped it a little bit with the clown.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And then she's still like, that's, it's really cute.
Speaker:I think that's a really cute ending to the story.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:I was actually on the phone with her yesterday to like
Speaker:refresh myself on the details.
Speaker:And I'm like, you, like, you're cool with it.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And she was like, oh my God.
Speaker:It's like, literally hilarious.
Speaker:I still laughing about it.
Speaker:She was like, you're totally fine.
Speaker:Like, you know, me and, you know, my sense of humor.
Speaker:She's like, it was for sure fucked up, but so is like our relationship and sense.
Speaker:It was perfect.
Speaker:Like don't feel bad.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I was like, oh my God, thanks girl.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I don't think, I think you did the right thing.
Speaker:I knew I, which I can't believe I'm saying.
Speaker:Yeah, no, I can't.
Speaker:I'm like, wow.
Speaker:I knew my audience.
Speaker:It's the wrong person.
Speaker:I'll fucking, never do that.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And like the whole part of being a prankster is like,
Speaker:I get into it too, you know?
Speaker:You're not going to enjoy it.
Speaker:I'm not going to enjoy it.
Speaker:We say no, you're a victim.
Speaker:No, you're a victim.
Speaker:So, I mean, That clearly do.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:A newer, I still know her.
Speaker:She's thriving just for anybody looking for an update.
Speaker:She's not quite back to that.
Speaker:Six-figure.
Speaker:One day she'll be done with school and she's she's doing really well.
Speaker:Did did the guy go to jail?
Speaker:The man was never caught.
Speaker:Shout out ATL.
Speaker:I'm going to make sure all of my windows have locks tonight.
Speaker:Well, yeah, if you're listening, lock your windows, turn on your alarm and
Speaker:just know that like the shit does happen.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:, well, if you've made it this
Speaker:Truly.
Speaker:It's like, this has been a long time coming.
Speaker:And we hope you laughed.
Speaker:We hope you are maybe a little horrified.
Speaker:We hope you lock your fucking doors.
Speaker:I will be.
Speaker:And we hope you listen to our next episode, which will be available
Speaker:immediately because we're dropping three episodes off the jumps.
Speaker:You can get a feel for Clover club.
Speaker:Yay.
Speaker:Yay.
Speaker:I've got one more.
Speaker:One more request.
Speaker:If you're listening to this.
Speaker:In addition to my thanks I've already discussed how much I don't like marketing.
Speaker:So if you enjoyed this, please feel free to share it.
Speaker:You know, write us a review, post us on your social, social medias.
Speaker:Tell your friends.
Speaker:All of that would help.
Speaker:So, so, so much.
Speaker:And if you've got a crazy story or you'd like to be on the podcast, hit us up.
Speaker:We're on Instagram at Clover club pod.
Speaker:And we'd love to talk to you.
Speaker:Yeah, just send us a DM, a direct message.
Speaker:Right on into those deal.
Speaker:Yeah, that'd be great.
Speaker:Oh, and I almost forgot.
Speaker:Clover club listeners get 10% off at Hawkins and Clover.
Speaker:Dot com and every time they shop i'll get to do is use code
Speaker:clover club all caps and enjoy
Speaker:Well, let's say by everybody.
